WOW. October was the last time I wrote. Let’s see… since October I’ve…. COMPLETED GRAD SCHOOL AND LANDED A FULL-TIME PROFESSIONAL JOB. I hope those are reasonable excuses for NOT having posted in nearly 5 months, but I am sincerely going to make an effort to keep up with this. My career largely entails writing, which is why I started this blog, right? To write. To practice and hone my writing skills. And simply, to delve deeper into my passion of fitness and… wait for it… food.
Ouch. Did I just admit to that?
It’s taken me YEARS to admit that I LOVE FOOD. Those words still sound…. dirty coming from my mouth. Backspace, backspace, BACKSPACE! But no. Since the new year, I’ve been trying to accept a love for flavor and taste, and overall, live happily. And living happily entails good food!
The past few months have been really rough in this regard. Easy, in that I do get to plan my meals a little better–I can afford more–and I pack a lunch ahead of time, more fully planning a healthy meal. Still, when I’m stressed, I tend to not eat, and, still being pretty new to the professional world I. Am. Stressed.
I’ve skipped many a lunch in order to “catch up on work” (recoup from a stressful morning). But I am making a conscious effort to acknowledge when I do skip a meal and just ask myself what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling that way, and if it’s really me not allowing myself to eat, or…. Ed – for those who don’t know, in recovery you learn to separate yourself from your eating disorder, giving him – or her – a separate identity. Ed’s been lurking around a bit more than usual lately, but that’s okay! A few years ago I wouldn’t have been able to acknowledge that it was Ed – I would have told myself that it’s simply… me. I’m the one restricting myself, therefore, that restriction must be warranted. I know it’s kind of weird, but it is really helpful to acknowledge that these thoughts are out of my control – they’re the thoughts of Ed, which make them a little less valid.
So here I am. Re-embarking on the world of Clean Plate Diaries. I hope you stick around and enjoy!